October 21st, 2008 — Emperors Parading in Underwear
Now is the time for all good men
to come to the aid of their stock market.
Warren Buffett’s latest investment advice
Warren Buffett has been buying into the crash. Now he’s urging the rest of us to jump into the void with him.
On Friday he argued his case in a New York Times op-ed piece titled “Buy American. I Am.”
The odd-sounding head might have been phoned in from a call center in Bangalore, but the piece itself is Buffett at his best—simple, down-to-earth, and way out in front. Too far out in front, if you ask me.
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October 10th, 2008 — Space Aliens Among Us
Pretending to be from outer space looks like a good idea, until you you start making spacey decisions.
Coneheads and bankers both speak the native language of the planet Remulak.
By Mark Myers
The other day a bank canceled my credit card. The bank is earth-based, as far as I know, but the letter was written in Intergalactic Gothic, the native language of the planet Remulak.
“A routine review of your account activity,” it explained, “indicates that you have not enjoyed the many benefits of your card for an extended period of time. Due to the inactive status of your account, it will be closed and the services provided by your card will be discontinued.”
I’m used to bankers sounding like this, so I didn’t think anything of it at first. After all, when talking to their customers, financial people have always come on like C3PO.
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October 9th, 2008 — Postpopulism: Throw the Bums Out!
They’re loonier than Saddam, touchier than Pol Pot, and fatter than Kim Jong Il.
A member of my country’s ruling clique weighs a policy question.
By Mark Myers
Well, of course things haven’t been going well lately in my country. It’s a nation controlled by a delusional ruling clique.
To give you an idea:
The preponderance of my country’s rulers believe there is an actual living devil, tail and all, who tortures people they disapprove of.
Most of them are convinced that UFOs have been routinely landing in our country, and are furious because they aren’t being told.
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October 3rd, 2008 — Consumer Guide to the Top Realities
It’s the world’s most potent psychoactive herb.
And it’s perfectly legal in most of the U.S.—for now.
After six hits on the pipe, I wasn’t in Kansas anymore. I had landed on the Periodic Table of Elements.
By Mark Myers
Want to change the default settings on your life for ten minutes?
A little mint leaf from Oaxaca, Mexico, will do the trick. Its name is Salvia divinorum.
Among hipsters under thirty, salvia is twice as popular as LSD, but I’d never heard of it until I ran across this piece in the New York Times.
The Times said the drug provides an incomparable experience and is apparently as harmless as a glass of Bordeaux. But here’s the sentence that grabbed me:
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